


Axis

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-24
Updated: 2009-10-24
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:09:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna discovers education in California and independence in England.  Josh moves on in DC.  But some things never change.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This little idea turned into one big story. I hope you find that it's a different take on a familiar theme. There's no way this story would've come to fruition without my beta, J.P. This is all you, friend.  
  
Suggestion: I'm just throwing this out there - don't read this story until you have enough time to *really* read it. It jumps from past to present, and each section is marked with a time stamp. If you breeze through it, you're going to feel lost.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.  


* * *

Being sufficiently educated had its privileges. One of those privileges, as shallow as it seemed, was being able to say that she'd earned a B.S. in political science from the University of California, Berkeley and a Master's in international relations from the University of Richmond in London.

The disadvantage was that, instead of talking about her educational experience at Richmond, everyone wanted to hear about life in London. She'd graciously responded, at least 50 times, with "London was fabulous." She'd smile, talk about Big Ben, Parliament, the Tube, the Beatles, museums and theater. Because really, that was all they wanted to know.

***  
 ** _Governor's Ball 2012, 8:20 p.m._**

Donna felt a bit out of place in Baltimore. It was only her second formal event since she'd been back in the States. Her first had been a two-hour fundraiser for Greenpeace with only 65 guests. This one had a guest list of more than 200 people, at least 150 of whom were already there. The Greenpeace fundraiser had been held in a banquet room at the Hilton; this event was taking place at the governor's mansion. 

Donna could count on one hand the number of times she'd had to wear an evening gown over the past six years. While at one point in her life she had been comfortable in borrowed Vera Wang dresses and Ann Taylor business suits, now she was happiest in jeans and a worn t-shirt.

She'd bought two dresses over the past four years. The one she'd chosen tonight was the more comfortable – a simple gold silk dress with an open back and spaghetti straps. When she'd seen Kirsten Dunst on Access Hollywood with a similar dress, she thought people would either think she had good taste or a secret obsession with the movie star. Still, the dress gave her confidence.

Her invitation to the ball came not from her employer, but from her friends, Beth and Donald Tinsley. Congressman Tinsley was a smart, powerful black man. His wife was like a cartoon character. She had poise and grace, but the situations Beth often found herself in were quite humorous. 

Donna and Beth met at a restaurant over a year ago. They were waiting in line for the women's restroom and got to talking about why there was never a line at the men's restroom. Beth said that she was about to explode, so she asked Donna to watch the door to the men's room while she went inside. A man barged past Donna into the restroom, exposing Beth as she pulled up her underwear. After an awkward moment, laughter ensued. Beth and Donna had become good friends after that.

As soon as the three of them arrived at the ball, the Congressman and his wife were greeted by mobs of people. Donna squeezed Beth's hand and motioned toward the bar. Over the years, Donna had become ferociously independent. She'd also become skilled in networking.

That night at the ball, she'd been asked a record number of times about Oxford, England. When she confessed that she hadn't studied at Oxford, the questioner had quickly changed the topic to fish and chips or health care in England. 

"Did you eat fish and chips every day?" an elderly man asked.

"No, actually. I ate a lot of vegetables," Donna responded.

"Ah, you're a healthy young woman." He smiled. "Speaking of health, what a terrific system they've got across The Pond." 

"Health care," she said, munching on a carrot. "Now that's a subject I could sink my…"

When she looked at the old man with bad dentures, she thought twice about finishing her sentence.

"Yes, I hope we learn a little something from our neighbors," she said.

Donna drained her wine glass. "Excuse me, sir, but my glass is empty."

"Oh, allow me." He reached for the long-stemmed glass.

She pulled back. "Thank you for offering, but I'll be fine." She went to the bar in search of a second glass of cabernet sauvignon.

So as not to be caught by the elderly man again, Donna scanned the room for the two people she knew. When she spotted one of them, she made her way through the crowd.

"Beth!" she called.

The tall woman with the curly blonde hair turned around, motioning for Donna to join her.

"Donna, I'd like you to meet Ellen Cohen. She's the deputy communications director for the governor."

Donna shook Ellen's hand. "How do you do? I'm Donna Moss."

"We met in a restroom," Beth provided, motioning her finger between herself and Donna.

Ignoring Beth, Ellen said, "I've heard a lot about you, Donna."

"I'm sure only half of it's true." Donna smiled.

"I understand that you spent some time in college writing about the aging of intelligence in America," the deputy director said.

"Yes. In fact, it was my senior thesis at Cal." Donna was surprised that Ellen knew of her work.

"She's being modest," Beth said. "Her paper was published."

"Is that so?" the older woman asked.

Donna blushed. "It was in a journal called Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science." 

"That's a mouthful," Beth said.

Donna shrugged. "I'm not sure who reads that publication, but it's out there."

"Impressive," Ellen said.

Two older women joined Donna, Beth and Ellen and began talking about the mansion's décor. 

"What lovely Dupioni silk drapes," one woman said to Ellen.

"I never would've thought that purple would look good in this room, but it's brilliant," the other woman chimed in.

Donna rolled her eyes at Beth, who stifled a giggle.

"It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Cohen," Donna said, shaking the woman's hand.

"Likewise. And please, call me Ellen."

"Ellen," Donna repeated, then excused herself.

She needed another glass of wine, but the bar to her left was congested. She walked through two rooms, stealing a coconut shrimp from a waiter passing by.

Donna had always enjoyed observing people. It was probably the best way, she thought, to learn how to carry herself at parties such as this. She watched the way the women held their glasses with their pinky fingers sticking out, and the way the men patted each other on the back. She tried holding her own wine glass like the other women, but it nearly fell to the floor.

At a table far behind her, the sound of men's laughter was louder than the saxophone. She turned toward the cacophony. There were two men standing, one of whom caught her eye. She didn't have the best view of him, but she could see his profile between passers by. He was about six feet tall with short, curly, reddish-brown hair. The dimple that she could see made him look younger than he probably was.

Leaning against the side of the bar, she had a somewhat better view of the men. The tallest one was dressed like the other men, but his tuxedo was completed with a white bowtie instead of the standard black one. He was patting a younger man on the back with one hand while the other hand held a glass filled with ice and what she assumed was either vodka or gin.

"Can I help you?" The bartender startled her.

"Hi," she said, placing her empty wine glass on the surface. "Another glass of red, please."

There was something familiar about the man in the white bowtie, she thought as she turned her head to look at him again. Like so many other times over the past six years, she thought he resembled Josh. She'd given up on the thought and the likelihood that she'd ever see her former boss again.

But then the man took a few steps closer, and she heard his voice.

"Even with Grady and Matthews' support, there's no way that bill passes."

Her eyes widened and her chest tightened. If that wasn't Josh Lyman, she'd never make the comparison again. She tried leaning her back against the bar to steady herself, but she misjudged the distance and nearly landed on her ass.

"Whoa, are you all right?" a man on her right asked while grabbing her elbow.

She blinked for the first time in what seemed like minutes. "Yes. Thank you."

She straightened her dress and grabbed her wine from the bar. Wanting to confirm her suspicion, she followed the hideous red-and-gold painted wall into the adjoining room. As clear as day, there was Josh Lyman, less than 20 feet away. 

Donna took a couple of deep breaths and closed her eyes for a moment. She made sure that she was behind the wall so that he couldn't see her. She was torn between wanting to stare at him and running the hell away. She thought about the consequences of both actions while she focused on her breathing.

***  
 ** _January 2007_**

Their final night together was at a party on the last day of Bartlet's second term. Donna had just received her acceptance letter to UC Berkeley. Until that day, she was planning to attend American University in DC. But her close friends knew that Cal was her first choice.

"Where've you been, Donna? You missed my toast," Abbey Bartlet said, pushing herself away from the door jamb.

"I'm sorry ma'am." Donna blushed. "I just got this letter in the mail and had to make a few phone calls." Donna handed the letter to Abbey. 

After reading it, Abbey enveloped Donna in a hug. "Congratulations, Donna. You deserve it."

"Thank you. I'm so excited," Donna said with a huge smile.

She didn't want to take the spotlight away from the farewell party with her news, so the only other person Donna showed her acceptance letter to was CJ. She waited until only a few people were left in the Mural Room to show the letter to Josh. He read the first line, congratulated her, then walked away. 

Josh returned 20 minutes later with his tie loosened and the top button of his shirt undone. He found Donna alone, reading the letter again. He walked up to her with his hands in his pockets.

"So this is it?" he asked.

"I leave in three days." She looked directly at him.

"Congratulations." He glanced to his right. "I know it's what you want." 

Donna picked up on Josh's monotone voice and failure to look her in the eye. She figured that he had already planned this speech in his head.

She feigned a smile. "It is."

He took a step closer and touched her elbow. Usually when Josh touched her, even if it was a hand at the small of her back, leading her down the hallway, she felt a rush of excitement and anticipation. Now, she felt a sense of loss.

"Thank you for everything." His voice was barely audible. After a quick squeeze of her arm, he turned to walk away.

"Josh," she called, taking a small step toward him.

He turned around with a questioning look on his face.

She closed the distance between them and had difficulty keeping her voice steady. "This might be the last time we see each other for a long time."

He stared at her face as if trying to catalog every feature. "I know."

"Don't you think we should say a proper goodbye?" she asked, twisting her fingers. "I mean, this really is it, Josh. I'm not going to come waltzing into your office in the morning threatening not to bring you --"

He interrupted her. "I understand."

She looked at her sweaty palms. "I don't think you do."

"This doesn't have to be some monumental event, Donna," he said in a raised voice, looking away. "How many ways can we say goodbye?"

"You didn't even say it once," she replied, raising her eyebrows.

"Fine." He threw his hands in the air, then looked in her eyes. "Goodbye, Donna. Does that make you happy?"

She turned her head in time for the tear that was hanging on her eyelashes to fall down her cheek. "No," she said softly.

Josh wiped a hand over his face. "Donna, look at me."

When she didn't, he turned her chin toward him. He noticed the tear stain on her left cheek. "I can't do this the way you want me to," he whispered.

She regarded him for a moment, then looked away. "Then we'll do it the way you want to, Josh." She folded her arms.

"It's the best way, Donnatella."

When she turned to walk away, she felt a strong tug on her wrist. Josh pulled it until her body crashed into his. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and grabbed a handful of his shirt in her fist and cried. Josh rested his cheek on her head. She felt him exhale several long breaths into her hair. He squeezed her one last time, then pushed her far enough away to look at her face.

"I didn't want it to be like this," he confessed in a whisper.

"Neither did I," she said.

"Good luck, Donna." He released her.

"You too." She wiped her eyes and tried to smile.

This time, they both turned and walked away.

She tried calling him for days, even weeks after, but he never returned her calls. By the time she was settled in California, and after many sleepless nights, she gave up.

***  
 ** _Governor's Ball 2012, 8:59 p.m._**

When she was brave enough to peel herself off the wall, Donna looked at Josh again. Her eyes immediately focused on the fourth finger on his left hand. She released a breath when she didn't see a shiny band. 

He looked almost the same as he had the day she left, but the little bit of gray hair by his temples gave away the years. His eyes, from what she could see, didn't have the same spark they'd once had, but he still looked happy. He appeared thinner than he was six years ago. When he walked to a table a few feet away, Donna noticed his swagger was gone.

Her hand instinctively reached for the small diamond hanging in the hollow of her neck.

Josh had given her the necklace as a Christmas gift in 2003. As soon as she saw it, she rejected it, saying it was too much. But Josh was determined. He put the necklace around her neck and said, "It's not what you think." She accepted the gift because of the look in his eyes. At first, she thought it might have been cubic zirconium, but after having it appraised years later, she found out that it most certainly was not. She wondered, even now, what his words meant. 

"There you are!" came a voice from behind her.

"Beth, you scared me."

"I can see that," she said, noticing her flushed cheeks and chest. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I just…" Donna looked down. "I need some air." She breezed by Beth and flew through the crowd of people toward the back door, still clutching at her necklace.

Besides CJ and quite possibly Toby, Beth was the only friend who knew her true feelings for Josh. Donna had never come right out and admitted it, but she never learned how to hide her feelings from her friends.

When Beth caught up with her, she found Donna sitting on the edge of a large cement planter filled with a dwarf palm.

"You're frightening me," Beth said.

Donna looked up with a weak smile. "Sorry."

"What happened back there?" Beth stood in front of her.

"I saw someone I know." She looked at Beth. "Someone I knew."

Beth sat beside her friend, taking her hand in her lap and silently encouraging her to continue.

"Josh is in that room." Donna's breathing increased.

It took Beth a second to process that name. "Josh? Josh Lyman, your boss?"

"My former boss," she corrected. "Yes."

"My god." Beth put her hand on her chest. "Have you spoken to him?"

Donna bent over, feeling nauseous. "No."

"Do you want to leave? Do you want me to get him?"

She sat up quickly and squeezed Beth's hand. "NO!"

"Are you sure it's him? Maybe it's--"

"I'm sure," Donna interrupted, looking ahead at nothing in particular.

The two women sat in silence for a few minutes until they were interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the pavement.

"I'm going to get you some water," Beth said in her ear.

Donna nodded, not taking her eyes off some abstract point beyond the swimming pool.

***  
 ** _Late January 2007_**

When CJ informed her that she was going back to California to work as the communications director for Women in Action, Donna left with an open invitation of an extra bedroom in an old family farmhouse in San Rafael. She never thought she'd take CJ up on her offer, but three days after the end of The Bartlet Era, she'd found herself in a U-Haul headed across the country. 

Donna arrived a week before CJ. The house, which belonged to CJ's uncle, was old but charming. The white paint on the exterior was worn and a shutter was hanging in place by a single nail. The house was on a few acres of land, surrounded by tall pines and redwoods. There was a plot of land in the back that must've been a garden at one point. Donna thought about planting cucumbers and tomatoes.

Inside, there were a few pieces of furniture covered with beige sheets. When Donna removed the sheet from the sofa, dust filled the air. She removed the sheets from two small end tables and an armoire. The antiques were beautiful, despite their need to be polished. There were three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large den and a kitchen tucked in the back corner. Donna thought that the screened-in back porch, complete with a wooden swing, would quickly become her favorite room in the house.

Classes began three days after she arrived, so Donna didn't have much time to get settled. She spent countless hours cleaning the house and getting her own things unpacked. When she was down to her last five boxes, she decided to unpack the one marked "personal" before calling it a night.

The box was filled with postcards, letters, photo albums and framed pictures. She placed several pictures around her bedroom. There was one photo of her, CJ and Dr. Bartlet that she put in the den. None of the pictures, she noticed, were of Josh. She'd had one on her refrigerator in her DC apartment, but she'd packed so quickly that she feared it was lost.

Knowing that she had to get up early for class the next morning, Donna left several piles of stuff on the floor in her bedroom. As she climbed into bed, the floodlight shined brightly into her room. She closed her makeshift curtain tighter when she noticed a picture on the floor. 

She picked up the black-and-white photo and moved it into the light. It was a picture of Josh alone at his desk. His head was turned to the side, and his chin was in his palm. Donna didn't remember seeing this picture. She figured it must've fallen out of one of her old albums. She looked closely at the way Josh's eyes sparkled. His face seemed calm. He didn't yet have the lines by his eyes or at the corners of his mouth. She traced her finger over the picture, then placed it on her nightstand. 

*  
 ** _Spring 2007_**

When CJ finally arrived in California, Donna went to Cal on weekdays and helped CJ restore the old house on weekends. She never knew she could paint, much less float, drywall.

One Sunday afternoon, the two women were enjoying a bottle of white wine on the back porch when CJ confessed that she was dating the contractor.

"How could you not tell me?" Donna asked, leaning forward and grinning.

"I didn't want you to get nervous," CJ responded, pouring another glass of wine.

"Why would I be nervous?"

"You don't think it would've been strange waking up to Philip in his boxer shorts, making coffee?"

"I suppose," Donna replied with a huff.

The sound of CJ's laughter always made Donna laugh even harder. She regarded CJ, noticing how content and relaxed she looked. Donna wondered what it would take to make her feel that way.

*

**_Summer 2009_ **

A year and a half after moving to California, CJ was engaged. Philip liked Donna's company and said she didn't have to move out, but Donna felt she should.

"I found a nice studio two miles from campus," Donna said to Philip and CJ over the morning paper.

"Say it ain't so," Philip said, closing the milk carton.

"The commute is killing me. Besides, don't you two want some privacy?" Donna asked.

"We have enough privacy," CJ responded, running a hand on the back of Philip's head. "You really don't have to move, Donna."

"Thank you." Donna smiled. "I'll visit as often as possible." She stood and dumped her cold coffee in the sink. She turned back to Philip and said, "You, stay out of my garden."

Philip put his hands in the air and smiled. "I swear."

When she moved to Berkeley, Donna spent most of her weekends studying. Her summer school classes were even more intense that the regular semester courses. She'd gone on a few dates, but rarely did she see the same men twice. She made it to CJ's house at least once a month.

"How was your date with the guy?" CJ asked one night. She still spoke in the abstract quite often, which made Donna smile.

"It was fine." Donna tried distracting herself with The American Journal of Political Science.

"Are you going to see him again?"

"Probably not," Donna replied, flipping a page.

"He's not what you're looking for?" CJ tried again.

Donna closed the magazine and looked at CJ. "Here I am at Berkeley, arguably the most free-thinking college in the country, and I haven't even come close to finding someone I'm interested in."

CJ tilted her head and smiled weakly at Donna. 

"Why are you smiling?" Donna asked.

"It's nothing," she replied, brushing a hand through the air.

"CJ!"

"It's just--" CJ crossed her legs and folded her arms. "You compare every man you meet to Josh Lyman."

Donna blushed. "No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do." CJ leaned over and placed a hand on Donna's knee. "It's ok. It's a good standard. Just don't deny guys because they don't match up."

Donna smiled weakly and placed her hand on top of CJ's.

*  
 ** _Winter 2009_**

Donna could count on one hand the number of times Josh's name came up since she'd moved to California.

One evening, while having dinner with CJ and Philip, she saw his picture during a Dateline report on gunshot victims. 

When Philip walked in the room and glanced at the two women at the table, he knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" he asked, picking up the salad bowl.

"Dateline's doing a segment on gunshot victims and Josh's picture was just on," CJ explained in a low voice.

Philip looked at Donna. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Donna replied. She felt nauseous.

A few months before, CJ had informed Philip about Josh and Donna's relationship, but Philip had never spoken with Donna about it.

"What happened with you and Josh?" he asked.

CJ gave Philip an evil look. 

Donna noticed. "It's ok, CJ." She looked at Philip. "We just lost touch. He still lives in DC, as far as I know."

"He does." CJ confirmed, looking at Donna over the rim of her glass. "She's tried calling and e-mailing him, but he never responds."

"I really don't want to get into this again, CJ," she said, placing her napkin on the table and standing. 

Donna and CJ'd had a conversation about Josh two months after the women moved in together. CJ couldn't understand why Donna never mentioned Josh's name. Donna had told her how they parted in DC. CJ'd said, "I'm torn between calling you both idiots and respecting your space."

"I should go," Donna said.

Philip stood. "No, we'll talk about something else." He looked at his fiancée for reassurance.

"Don't leave like this," CJ said, squeezing Donna's hand.

"Dinner was lovely. Thank you." She looked at the couple, pushed her chair in and left.

***  
 ** _Governor's Ball 2012, 9:09 p.m._**

There was a distinct difference, Donna thought, between the way a woman's heels clicked on the pavement and the way a man's wooden-soled shoes sounded. The time between the sound was longer for men, matching their stride. She heard gravel under a heavy foot. A man was walking toward her, that she knew, but he was walking slowly, as if he was uncertain if he should approach her.

"Donna?" His voice was hoarse.

She turned around and closed her mouth, trying to disguise the shock that she was sure registered on her face.

He walked toward her. She noticed that his swagger was definitely gone. She was also correct about the lack of sparkle in his eyes. Donna looked at his hand again for the sign of a wedding ring or a tan line indicating that he'd taken it off. She found neither.

He put his drink down on a nearby table. 

"I can't believe it's you," he whispered, trying to smile.

She didn't know if her voice would work. "Josh?" 

Donna remained seated, gripping the edge of the planter with her hands.

"Yeah." he stood in front of her.

"I can't believe it's you," she said.

"How are you?" he asked, not moving.

"I'm--" She struggled to find her voice again. "I'm fine. I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't expect you to be here either." He squatted down in front of her.

She took a few deep breaths and blinked back tears. "This is really strange." She tried to smile.

"It doesn't have to be," he whispered, barely exposing his dimples.

He took Donna's hand from her lap and squeezed it. Her hand remained limp. He must've taken that as a sign because he immediately let it go and stood. "Are you just in town for the ball?"

She wondered how he could be so casual and change subjects so quickly. "Yes." 

She quickly amended her answer. "I mean, no. I live here."

"At the governor's mansion?" He smirked. Josh was a master at turning situations around. She remembered how much she used to love that about him: The way only he could bring humor to a tense situation.

She looked up at him and smiled as best she could. Her shoulders relaxed.

"No. I live in Baltimore."

His eyes opened wide. "I had no idea."

Two women came outside, arm in arm, laughing hysterically. The short brunette yelled, "There you are, honey. Where'd you run off to?"

Josh whipped his head around. Donna's eyes followed. She recognized one of the women as a Channel 4 news reporter. The other woman was more attractive. It was she who hooked her arm around Josh's waist.

"Who's this?" the woman asked, looking at Donna.

"This is…" Josh began.

"Hi. I'm Donna," she interrupted.

Josh's face tensed up. "It's still 'Moss,' right?"

Donna stood and brushed off the back of her dress. She extended a hand to the woman hanging on Josh. "Yes. Donna Moss."

Josh sighed. 

"I'm Janet Mirren." She shook Donna's hand. "How do you know Josh?"

"I worked for him a long time ago," she stated.

"She worked _with_ me in the White House." He corrected, pulling Janet's arm away from his waist.

"What is it with all of these former colleagues showing up tonight?" Janet asked.

Donna perked up. "Who else is here?"

"Leo's here. And that little Pierce twit," Josh said. He hadn't once looked away from Donna's face.

"Leo?" Donna asked with excitement, finally getting the color back in her cheeks.

"Yeah. I just saw him right before I came outside," Josh said as Janet grabbed his hand.

"I can't wait to see him," she said, smiling. "And Ryan's here too?"

"Unfortunately." Josh sighed. "He weasels his way into every political event he possibly can."

"Some things never change," Donna said in a hushed voice, letting her eyes run from his eyes to his lips.

"Some things," he said under his breath, looking at her with the same scrutiny.

"Janet, it was nice meeting you," Donna said, extending her hand again.

"You too." Janet shook Donna's hand, then looked up at Josh. "Josh, it's freezing out here. Let's go inside."

"Donna!" he called after her. 

She turned around and noticed that Josh'd left Janet a few steps behind.

"We should talk," he said, wiping his forehead.

She looked down, wanting to say what a bad idea that would be. "We'll see" came out instead.


	2. Part 2

**_Spring 2010_ **

CJ and Philip's wedding was a small but lovely ceremony at the farmhouse. Sam, who was taking a few months off from practicing law to sail up the West Coast, made it a point to be in town. Toby, Leo and the Bartlets sent their congratulations and exquisite gifts. 

Rather than send a gift, Josh called.

"Hello?" Philip answered the phone.

"Hi. Is CJ Cregg there?" Josh asked.

"Who's asking?"

Josh thought about his response for a moment. "An old friend."

Philip hesitated, then yelled for CJ. 

She answered the phone out of breath. "Hello?"

"CJ?" Josh asked.

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations on your wedding." The words rushed out.

CJ paused, trying to place the voice. "Josh?"

"Yeah." He didn't let out his breath.

"Joshua Lyman as I live and breath!" CJ exclaimed, hitting her palm on the nearest flat surface. "If you're calling for my hand, you're a little late."

Josh finally released the breath he'd been holding. "Damn, I was hoping we could elope."

"How are you, Josh?" CJ wiped her hands on a dishrag and leaned against the counter. "It's been way too long."

"I'm fine. How are you?" Josh's voice became more animated.

CJ sighed. "I'm getting married tomorrow, so I'm as any bride would be at this stage in the game."

"Blushing?" He teased.

"Do you see me as the quintessential blushing bride?"

"Hardly." Josh chuckled. "Leo told me about the wedding. Philip is his name?"

"Yes. You'd like him a lot, Josh." CJ tilted her head, cradling the phone between her shoulder and ear.

"I'm sure I would. He's a lucky man."

"I'm the lucky one."

CJ could almost picture Josh tapping his foot on the floor trying to think of what to say next. 

When he didn't speak, she asked, "You know Donna's out here?"

"Yeah."

CJ recognized Josh's one-word answer as his "I may have suggested you have a secret plan to fight inflation" tone. 

"She's not at the house right now, but she'll be here soon." CJ looked at the clock above the doorway.

"How is she, CJ?" he asked with the phone pressed to his mouth.

CJ looked at the floor. "She's doing about as well as you are, Josh."

Josh sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "Then she's fine," he stated.

"Why don't you call her? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

"I can't. I don't want to get in the way."

"In the way of what?" She bounced off the counter and paced in the kitchen. "You haven't spoken with her in years."

"It's not that simple, CJ."

She heard his chair roll back and figured he was about to start pacing.

"That's unfortunate, Joshua, because she's moving to London in three days," CJ said.

Josh gulped. "Who convinced her to do that?"

She could hear the phone cord rubbing against Josh's desk, confirming her suspicion that he was indeed pacing.

"No one convinced her, Josh." She let out a long breath. "Donna's a grown woman. She makes her own choices."

"Why London?" he asked. "Why not Boston or Philadelphia or DC?"

CJ rubbed her forehead and shrugged. "You'd have to ask Donna."

Josh didn't speak for a half minute. He pursed his lips, swallowed and let out a long sigh. "Don't tell her I called."

"How can you ask me to do that?"

"Please, Claudia Jean. It's for the best." He begged.

"I'm not making any promises."

Josh heard CJ's name being called in the background.

"I should go." He sounded sad. "I just wanted to tell you congratulations and good luck."

CJ could hear the pain in Josh's voice. He had a way of holding on to guilt like no one else. If Josh thought something was "for the best," he'd willingly sacrifice his own happiness. If it concerned Donna, his sacrifice, and his guilt, doubled.

CJ lowered her head and smiled weakly. "Thank you, mi compadre."

"Goodbye, CJ."

She swore she heard Josh's voice hitch. It dawned on her that Josh probably felt like he was losing two out of the three women in the world who he cared most about. 

When she hung up the phone, CJ put both hands on the counter and let her head fall to her chest. Philip walked in, asking what was wrong.

"Nothing, honey," she responded, lifting her head. "It was just an old friend." She forced a tight smile.

Philip rubbed his fiancée's back and pulled her into a hug. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not now," she said, her voice muffled by Philip's shirt.

CJ squeezed him, then straightened her posture.

"Donna's here," Philip said, hooking his thumb toward the back door.

Her eyes became watery. "I'll be right there." 

As soon as she turned her back to Philip, two tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She walked to the bathroom and let a few more fall in the sink, telling herself that it was best not to inform Donna of the phone call. 

CJ respected Donna's decision to move to London and felt that she based that decision on logical factors, none of which included Josh Lyman. If she told Donna that Josh had asked why she didn't go to school in the States, Donna would probably question herself as well. Donna seemed content with her decision, so there was no need, CJ thought, to make her friend doubt her move.

CJ wiped her face, took a few more deep breaths and went outside to finish planting Impatiens.

The ceremony went as planned, and Donna left for London three days later.

***

**_Governor's Ball 2012, 9:30 p.m._ **

It was Leo who spotted Donna first. He was talking to a man half his age at a table in the center of the room.

"The cop actually took the donut."

"He was bribed with a donut?"

"A glazed one at that. Not even cream-filled or, you know, the ones with the sprinkles."

In the middle of laughing, Leo saw Donna standing with her friend near the French doors. His face slowly morphed into a small smile. "I'll be damned. Donna Moss," he said to himself.

Donna's face lit up when she saw Leo, but she didn't move for a few seconds. She ran her palms along the front of her gold silk dress, then walked toward him. He met her half way.

"I can't believe it," he said, already extending his arms for a hug.

"Leo," she said in a shaky voice.

They embraced long enough for Donna to get her emotions in check.

He pulled away from her and gave her a once over. "You look stunning."

"Thank you." She blushed.

"Come and sit." He escorted her by the arm to an empty table as far away from the jazz band as possible. He pulled a chair out for her. "It's been too long."

"It has," she said, brushing her hair behind her ear. "How've you been?"

"Couldn't be better." Leo couldn't stop shaking his head in amazement. He'd always had a soft spot for Donna. Seeing her all these years later brought back those old feelings. "I heard you were working for an environmental lobbyist in Baltimore."

"Yes." She adjusted in her seat. "It's been over a year now. I love it."

"That's great," he said still smiling. "How was London?"

She gave her standard response: "London was fabulous."

"Were you able to take any courses by a woman named Fatima Edrington?"

Her hand flew to her chest. "My god! Dr. Edrington was my advisor. She was incredible."

"How do you like that?" Leo said in his patented slow tone. 

Donna remembered in an instant why she loved this man. He was courteous, intelligent, kind and sincere. They talked about her two years at the University of Richmond; her work in Baltimore; and the Bartlets. After conversing for 15 minutes, Leo told her that Josh was there.

She looked at her lap. "I know. He's the one who told me you were here."

"You two haven't kept in touch." He frowned.

She didn't answer with words. Leo knew. After all, he still worked with Josh nearly every day.

"Speak of the devil." Leo stood and shook Josh's hand.

Donna looked over her shoulder.

"Am I interrupting?" Josh asked.

"Not at all," Leo said. "We were just catching up." He looked at Donna again. "Doesn't she look stunning?"

Josh stared at her and smiled. "She does," he said just loud enough for her to hear.

"I'll let you two catch up," Leo said.

"Actually, I was coming to talk to you," Josh said to Leo when he was finally able to pull his eyes away from Donna's exposed back.

Donna looked surprised and sad. She berated herself for feeling anything.

"Would you excuse us?" Josh asked as he pulled Leo to the side.

"Of course," she replied in a surprisingly sturdy voice.

"Leo, I need you to make sure that Janet gets back to the hotel tonight," Josh said in a hushed voice.

Leo regarded him, his smile fading. Leo'd known Josh almost his whole life. He knew what the younger man was thinking. "Do you know what you're doing, Josh?"

Josh sighed, then looked at Donna. "No, but I have to do this."

Leo nodded and squeezed Josh's shoulder. He turned back to Donna. She stood.

Leo smiled widely and took her in his arms again. "It was great to see you, Donna. We should get together soon." It was an order more than an invitation.

"I'd like that," she replied, matching his smile.

"Take care." He walked away with one last look at Josh. He noticed Josh swallow the last of his drink, then move a step closer to his former assistant.

***

**_Winter 2011_ **

Her two years in London flew by. She engrossed herself in school and took weekend trips all over Europe. She dated a British museum curator nearly twice her age for eight months. It was the longest relationship she'd had since Josh. She always said "since Josh," even though they never shared a romantic relationship. She justified it by saying that he had been the closest man in her life for nearly nine years. But Stephen didn't compare to her former boss. In fact, he never even came close.

When she graduated magna cum laude, she had her choice of three jobs. The highest paying offer was in London, but she was ready to move back to the US. The second highest paying job was in New York, but she couldn't see herself as a Manhattanite. The lowest paying job, but the one with the most responsibility, was in Baltimore. She moved to the city two weeks after leaving London and began her job at Camden Environmental Group shortly after that.

Her boss, Anthony Pascal, had grown up with Toby Ziegler in Brooklyn. She wondered if that was part of the reason she felt so comfortable. He was a conscientious man with a heart of gold, but Anthony was also a shrewd businessman. He gave Donna incredible responsibility from the start, and she always thanked him for his trust.

Donna occasionally went to DC for power lunches and evening meetings. She was always worried about running into Josh. Part of her welcomed the idea, but the other part feared it. Sometimes she'd linger in a coffee shop near the White House or eat dinner at one of their favorite restaurants. 

One afternoon, Donna spent three hours in The Coffee Bean that she and Josh used to go to on weekends. Josh liked to sit on the sofa in the far corner because he thought that the bookshelf hid him well. 

"If you want to be hidden from the public, why don't we just take our muffins and coffee to go?"

"I like to be seen, but not by people like him," he'd said, using his chin to point to a man dressed in a cape.

Every time the door swung open, she lifted her eyes from The Washington Post. After she read every section of the newspaper and two magazines, Donna ordered an Americano to go. The rain was getting harder and she had to drive back to Baltimore. She kept telling herself that she was being ridiculous, waiting for one out of eight million people to show up.

He never did show up. She told herself that it was best that way.

***

**_Governor's Ball 2012, 9:43 p.m._ **

Donna kept her eyes fixed on Leo until he disappeared into the crowd. "He still looks the same."

"Even better, if you ask me," Josh said.

She turned to him, her smile fading. "It was great seeing him."

He shrugged. "I see him almost every day."

"Why?"

"We work together." Josh relaxed his shoulders. Work was always a comfortable subject.

"Political consulting?"

He nodded. "Leo says he's retired, but he still works 40 hours a week."

Donna grinned. She placed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I should've known you wouldn't practice law."

He returned her grin. "I'm a damn good lawyer."

"I'm sure you are." After walking on eggshells all night, it felt good to be in a conversation where she knew her lines.

Josh tilted his head toward the door. "Can we talk?"

Donna watched him for signs of nervousness or apprehension, but Josh stood still – one hand holding his glass, the other in his pocket. She could see the outline of his fingers jingling change in his pocket.

"I thought that's what we were doing." She was proud of the force with which she delivered that statement.

"I mean privately." He shifted his weight. "Is there a coffee shop or, I don't know, a bookstore nearby?"

"A bookstore?" Her brow furrowed.

"Some place quiet," he stated.

She looked him directly in the eyes. "I don't know that everything I have to say to you will be in hushed tones."

Josh gulped, but he didn't step back at her advancing body.

When he didn't respond, she spoke. "There's a place called The Dock on the corner of First and Cower." She ran a hand down the front of her dress, trying to control the shaking that she hoped he hadn't noticed. "I'll be there in an hour."

Without waiting for a response, she walked away. She turned around when she got to the door, noticing that Josh's expression was stuck between a smile and a frown.

***  
 ** _Spring 2011_**

For her boss's 60th birthday, Donna helped Anthony's wife throw a surprise party. It was the first time she'd seen Toby in three years. 

Toby and Andi had remarried and lived in Fairfield, Connecticut. Andi had made partner in a major law firm, and Toby stayed at home with the twins writing political books and a few speeches until the kids were old enough to go to school.

At the birthday party, Donna noticed how happy Toby looked. They talked about old friends, politics, the twins and Josh. Toby admitted to Donna, after several straight Johnny Walker's, that he'd always pictured Josh and Donna together.

"I don't pretend to understand how two people, so embedded in each other's lives for eight years, do not end up together."

"What about you and CJ?" Donna asked, eager to turn the conversation away from Josh.

He looked her in the eyes. "It wasn't the same, and you know it." His voice was quiet.

"I guess it just wasn't meant to be." She shrugged, trying to feign indifference. "Our lives went in different directions."

"I'm just saying." Toby looked in his empty glass. "You had something that most people don't experience in a lifetime."

Donna blushed. "What about you?"

"Well," he replied, standing. "I got lucky. Twice."


	3. Part 3

**_Donna's Townhouse, 2012, 10:32 p.m._ **

Donna hadn't realized that the sweat from her palms had stained the front of her silk dress until she regarded herself in the full-sized mirror in her bathroom. Stripping off her dress, she heard the phone ring.

"Hello?"

"Where'd you run off to?"

"Beth, I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye."

"You had me worried."

"I'm fine. I'll talk to you in the morning." Donna rummaged through her closet, trying to find something to wear.

"Are you meeting him?" Beth asked.

"I'll talk to you in the morning, Beth," she sighed. "I promise."

"Be careful, Donna."

She smiled. "I will. Good night."

Throwing her cordless phone on the bed, Donna settled on a pair of Paper jeans and a gray t-shirt with a pink sweater on top. She buttoned the middle two buttons of the sweater, put on a light-weight khaki jacket and slammed the door on her way out.

***  
 ** _Governor's Ball 2012, 10:21 p.m._**

During the cab ride to The Dock, Josh untied his bowtie and removed his jacket. He tried occupying his thoughts by checking his voicemail on his cell phone. He was surprised to find a message from CJ, considering that he hadn't spoken with her since July. Josh found it odd yet comforting that in one day, he was in contact with Leo, Donna and CJ. 

That turned his thoughts to Sam and Toby. He saw Sam every six months or so, and he saw Toby a little more frequently.

Josh never thought that he'd be a "kid" person, but he was great with the twins. He gave them Yoo Hoo and Blow Pops behind Andi's back. He and Toby took them to their first baseball game. He'd even spent a weekend babysitting them in Connecticut while Andi and Toby took a trip to The Keys. 

Josh also tried relieving Toby from his Mr. Mom duties as often as possible. One night, they went to a bar in Fairfield not long after Toby had seen Donna at Anthony's birthday party.

"I was debating whether I should tell you that I saw Donna last weekend," Toby said after ordering another Jack and Coke.

"And what did you decide?" Josh replied sarcastically, sipping his third gin and tonic. He was torn between anger at Toby for not telling him sooner and excitement to hear about their meeting.

"She looked great."

Josh hung his head. "I don't know if I'm happy or sad to hear that."

Toby took a swig of his drink, but didn't respond.

"How should I feel, Toby?"

Toby scratched his balding head. "Lucky."

Josh looked puzzled.

"I'll tell you what I told Donna." He scooted to the edge of his barstool. "You had something that most people don't experience in a lifetime. God knows why, but she still cares."

Josh's eyebrows shot up. "How do you know that?"

Toby shrugged. "I just do."

***  
 ** _The Dock 2012, 10:45 p.m._**

As Josh stepped out of the cab, the faint scent of salty air reminded him of the summer before Joanie's death when his family had gone crabbing in Baltimore.

The Dock was a small hut with fish nets hanging on the outside and an old gas pump painted in black and orange. The black paint on the sign above the door was faded. He walked inside and scanned the room for Donna. The bar was pretty crowded, but there were two empty tables. Everyone seemed to be huddled around the man playing the guitar on the makeshift stage in the far corner.

He thought it was just like Donna to discover an out-of-the-way bar with live folksy music and cheap beer. He smiled, thinking about how Donna'd hated crowds and fancy bars. Janet, on the other hand, would never step foot in a place like The Dock. She preferred linen table cloths, votive candles and $10 martinis.

Josh walked to the bar and ordered a Heineken.

"We don't sell imports," the bartender said, wiping his hands on the rag attached to his belt.

"That's refreshing," Josh said under his breath. "You have any microbrews?"

The bartender answered by filling a mug with draught. "You wanna start a tab?"

Josh pulled out a credit card, took his beer and sat at an empty table to the right. He found himself tapping his foot, unsure if it was to the beat of the music or out of nervousness.

Just as he took a sip of beer, Donna breezed in. She looked a little out of breath. Her cheeks were pink from the chilly night air. She looked around, her attention at first captured by the man playing the guitar and singing. The sign above him read "chriswilsonmusic.com." 

Josh pushed his chair out with his legs, preparing to stand. When Donna heard the scraping noise, she turned to see him. She swallowed the lump in her throat, then walked toward the table.

"Don't get up," she said, removing her jacket and placing it on the back of her chair. "What are you drinking?"

"Not a Heineken," he smirked and raised his eyebrows.

"No imports," she stated. She walked toward the bartender, who gave her a fond smile. He poured her beer from the same tap he'd poured Josh's out of.

"Come here often?" Josh asked.

Donna sat across from him. "About once a month when there's live music." She took a sip of her beer. "This guy's good." She hooked a thumb toward the singer who was belting out a song about a river.

They shared an awkward moment, neither speaking. Josh let his fingertips run across the waxed wooden table. Donna noticed the way his bowtie hung around his neck. It took all her strength not to lean over and straighten it.

"You wanted to talk?" she asked.

"Yeah." He swallowed. "I just don't know where to begin." He tried to smile.

Donna had come in wanting to hate Josh, but his honesty caught her off guard. She straightened her posture. "Why don't we start with the day I left?"

Josh ground his teeth together, then took a sip of beer, nearly emptying his mug. "Then I'm gonna need another one of these." He stood and walked to the bar, ordering a pitcher.

Donna tried hiding her grin when she saw Josh walk back with the pitcher of beer.

"If we're starting six years ago, maybe I should've gotten two," he said, placing the pitcher on the wobbly table before returning to the chair across from Donna.

"How about one for each year that you didn't talk to me?" Donna huffed.

"We'd be good and drunk by the end, that's for sure," Josh responded, avoiding her real intent.

She topped her beer off and filled Josh's mug as well. "Where's Janet?"

By the look on his face, she knew she'd caught him off guard. "She's back at the hotel."

"Who is she, Josh?" Donna asked, staring at the initials carved in the wooden table. She found one carving in a heart that read J + D. She crinkled her forehead and let out a sound.

"She's a television station manager," he responded.

Donna lifted her eyes, not her head. "That's not what I meant."

Josh sat back, his hand still on the mug handle. "She's--We've been dating for a couple of months."

"A couple of months?" She could tell by the way his head moved slightly to the right that he was lying.

He leaned forward. "Four months," he admitted.

Donna gave him the widest smile she could muster. "Is she The One, Josh?" She brushed her hair behind her ear.

Josh's expression got very serious, almost intimidating, as he looked in Donna's blue eyes. "No."

Donna hid her relieved look with her beer mug.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he tried. "I know that's never going to be good enough, but I am." 

As far as he was leaning over the table, Donna was further back. It was like two magnets flipped on the wrong side.

She looked away. When she returned her eyes to his face, his expression hadn't changed. It was the one she remembered he'd use when he felt like he'd let someone down.

"Not even a phone call in six years," she whispered.

He shook his head but didn't say anything.

"Do you have any idea what that felt like?" She folded her arms across her chest. "Do you, Josh?"

"I--" he started, gripping both hands on the sides of the table.

She raised a hand, then tucked it back protectively over her chest. "No. You don't. You have no idea what it felt like to wake up every morning for six years, wondering if that would be the day you'd call. Literally hurting." She put one hand over her heart and dropped one to the table. Her eyes filled with tears, but they didn't fall.

"You think I don't know?" he yelled, raising his eyebrows. "You think I'm impervious to you?"

She shuddered at his use of the word "impervious."

"You have no idea how many times I picked up the phone to call you," he continued in a rush. His dimples even looked angry.

"How many times, Josh?" she yelled back. "Once? Twice? Hell, I'd be shocked if you thought about me more than three times in six years."

He sat back and ran a hand through his hair.

"I think about you at least ten times every single day." His gaze was so intense that he seemed to dare her to take her eyes off of him.

She shook her head, looking up at the ceiling, hoping the tears would somehow go back in her eyes. She was successful with all but one. She watched Josh grip the table until his knuckles were white.

"About half as much as I think about you," she whispered.

That broke him. He reached for her hand and immediately brought it to his mouth. He tucked it into his lips as his head bent down, parallel to the table. She could feel his sobs on her knuckles. He squeezed his eyes shut, keeping them hidden from her gaze. Donna, on the other hand, looked directly at the man in front of her and didn't care that her cheeks were now wet.

Josh covered her small hand with both of his, surrounding it with his hands and mouth. She felt the tiny kisses he kept trying to place on her knuckles between muffled sobs.

"Josh," she pleaded.

With one final squeeze of his eyes and her hand, he looked up. His face was as wet as hers. He brought her hand to his chest and continued holding it with both of his. His thumb ran over her knuckles.

"There are no words to express my regret, Donnatella," he said as evenly as possible.

Donna got chills at the use of her formal name. No one had called her that, except for her mother, in six years. And no one said it the way Josh did. Even when he'd yelled it all those years ago, it had felt like a verbal caress.

"It's hard to forget," she replied.

"I know."

She could see the guilt registering on his face.

"You were my best friend," she said trying to control the tears again. She pulled her hand away from his chest. He instinctively reached for it, but she wouldn't allow it.

"And you were mine." He clenched his jaw.

Donna pulled two tissues out of her purse. She wiped her face with one and handed Josh the other. He didn't wipe the tears away. He just crumbled the tissue in his right hand.

"What would've happened if I'd stayed?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"I think you do," she replied, putting the tissue back in her purse. "It would've been so easy to be with you for one night, Joshua."

"With you," he whispered. "It would've never been just one night."

She stood up and pushed her chair in. Josh looked confused. He reached out for her with one hand. "Donna?"

She put her jacket on and grabbed her purse. She tilted her head, smiled a close-lipped smile and walked out the back door.

Josh sat in his seat, stunned. How could she just walk out? He quickly reviewed their conversation, wondering if he'd made his feelings clear enough. He jumped out of his chair and jogged to the back door.

When he stepped outside, he noticed he was on a pier over the water. He looked in both directions, but all he saw was boats and lights. A foghorn called out in the distance. Donna's perfume mixed with the salty ocean air. He leaned over the railing and looked at the waves in the distance.

"That's how it felt." A voice whispered behind him.

He whipped around and saw Donna leaning against the wall. His breath caught in his throat, but he didn't move.

She walked up to him. "That pain in here --" She placed her palm flat against his chest. "It never went away."

He covered her hand with his own. His face still registered fear and confusion. Donna stepped closer until her head was under his chin. Josh placed a possessive hand on her back and drew her even closer.

"I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it disappear," he whispered.

She looked up at him, a tear rolling down her cheek. This time, he wiped it away. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. When she opened them, Josh's face was inches from hers. 

She licked her lips just before they kissed. Donna noticed that Josh's lips were trembling. She brought her fingertips to his bottom lip, and he kissed them. Then he took her mouth into his and wrapped his arms around her body. Donna moaned. 

They bathed each other with their mouths, tears streaming down each of their faces. Josh took her face in his hands and pulled back. His face was filled with amazement.

"I thought you'd left," he said.

She shook her head. "At least this time, you stopped me."

He took her in his arms and hugged her until he nearly crushed her.

"Josh, I can't breathe!" she said into his neck.

He released his tight grip on her, but never took his hands off her body. "Sorry."

"I have a feeling you're going to be using that word a lot," she said, looking up at him.

He frowned, then kissed her forehead. "Yeah."

"You don't have to," Donna whispered. She looked him in the eyes and rubbed his cheek with one hand. "I already know."

"God, Donna!" He enveloped her in another hug and a passionate kiss.

When the kiss ended, she took him by the hand and began walking north on the pier.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"It's time for you to walk the plank," she said with the hint of a grin.

Josh smiled. "Is that pirate talk for sex?"

Donna laughed. She stopped, returning to his arms. She kissed him slowly, nipping at his bottom lip. She craned her neck up, looking at him. 

"Maybe," she said in a husky voice.

He moaned, running his fingertips along the back of her arms.

She untangled herself from him again and began walking ahead of him. He jogged to catch up, not enjoying the feel of her body away from his. He caught her swinging hand.

"I live half a mile from here," she said.

"Wow." He wasn't sure if that word expressed interest in her living arrangements or the fact that he was less than thirty minutes away from making love to Donnatella Moss.

"It's a nice place," she said, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. "Nicer than my flat in London, anyway."

"London," he repeated. "We're going to have to discuss that."

"There's a lot we're going to have to discuss, Josh." She looked up at him with a mixture of excitement and fear.

"I'm not going anywhere." He reassured her with a quick kiss.

"Good," she said, smiling. 

He remembered what her smiles used to do to him. He reflected for a moment, then realized that this new smile was even brighter. He squeezed her hand and fell behind her fast-paced walk. He made a note to himself that they needed to work on the walk-and-talk thing again. It wouldn't take long, he figured, to get back in step.


	4. Part 4

**_Donna's Townhouse 2012, 11:55 p.m._ **

When Donna stopped in front of a beautiful brownstone facing the water, Josh nearly walked passed her.

"This is it," she said, putting her key in the door.

"This is your house?" He looked surprised.

Donna nodded. "I rent it from my friend, Beth Tinsley."

"She wouldn't happen to be related to Congressman Donald Tinsley?"

"We call him Doc." She stepped inside. "He's Beth's husband."

Judging from the look on his face, Josh obviously needed a second to process that information. In six years, Donna had gone from making appointments for him with Congressmen to actually being friends with them. 

He followed her inside and shut the door. "This place is amazing."

The townhouse was two levels. On the outside, there was ivy running up the red-bricked walls and Bougainvillea blooming on the wrought iron balcony. The inside looked like something straight out of the Pottery Barn catalog.

Donna put her purse and keys on the kitchen counter and turned on a lamp. "You should see the view from the balcony."

Josh stepped behind her, putting his hands around her waist. "I like the view from here just fine." He kissed her exposed neck.

She turned in his arms. After kissing and groping for a few minutes, Donna dragged Josh upstairs. She opened the balcony door, and when she turned around, Josh was unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" she asked, smiling.

His eyes were wider than saucers. "I was…"

She pulled him by the arm to the balcony. "Look at this," she said quietly.

Josh trapped her between his arms and the iron bars that came up to her waist. He went back to kissing her neck.

"Josh?" She tried keeping her moaning to a minimum.

"Yeah?" 

"Look," she demanded, pulling away from his mouth.

Finally, he looked at the view of the harbor. It was truly breathtaking. There were hundreds of yachts docked right outside Donna's door. Down a long pier, there was a restaurant covered in white lights.

"It's beautiful," he said. He ran his hands down her arms and placed his palms over the back of her hands. She lifted her fingers so theirs could entwine.

"I get this view whenever I want," she said, looking into the distance and breathing in the salt air.

"I don't." He returned to kissing her neck.

"What about Janet?"

His lips stopped. "What about her?"

Donna shrugged. "You tell me."

He turned her face toward him. "I was never in love with her."

Donna looked down. "Does she know that?"

"I never said that I loved her," he replied.

Donna pulled away. "She's in your hotel room as we speak."

"Why are you bringing her up right now?" he asked. 

Donna could see the concern on his face. She walked back inside, leaving Josh alone on the balcony. He took in the view once more, then went inside, not closing the door. Donna noticed from the way Josh's shoulders tensed, that when the foghorn sounded every few minutes, it interrupted his thoughts.

"Is this a one night thing?" Donna turned away.

"Look at me," he demanded. When she didn't, he moved around her until she looked at his face. He put his hands on her arms. "I told you, Donna, it would never be just one night with you."

She couldn't look him in the eye.

Josh looked at his feet and took a deep breath.

"What are we doing, Josh?"

"Something that we should've done a long time ago," he said in a low voice. He moved toward her, raking his fingertips up her arm, then he kissed her. Donna berated herself for wanting him so much.

She broke the kiss and straightened her sweater. "It's not that easy. We need to get to know each other again."

He looked at her and lifted her chin. "Do you honestly think that I didn't know where you were or what you were doing over the past six years?"

"You kept tabs on me but never bothered contacting me?" Donna's cheeks flushed.

"What I mean is that I've always been concerned about you, Donna. I ask about you to whoever has even the slightest chance of knowing you." He stood in the center of the room, following her pacing with his eyes. "I know that you graduated with more credits than necessary for your Bachelor's at Cal. I know that you dated a museum curator nearly twice your age in London. I know that Anthony Pascal thinks the world of you. And I know that you sometimes ask about me too."

She didn't know whether to be happy at Josh's knowledge about her life or pissed that he knew too much.

"Who told you all of that?" She held her tears in check.

Josh shrugged. "People." He put his hands on his hips.

"Some of that is private," she said, crossing her arms.

"Is any of it stuff you wouldn't have told me if we'd talked?"

Donna let out a frustrated sigh. "That's not the point, Josh."

"What is the point, Donna?" he asked, his voice taking on a high-pitched quality.

"You may know those things, those facts, about my life, but we don't know each other like we used to."

"That's gonna take time." He shrugged.

"Are you saying that you have time?"

He remembered that look and thought about how many times he wished he could kiss it right off her face. He took a step toward her.

"Yes." He touched the necklace that peeked out from under her shirt.

He looked at the small diamond between his fingers, then looked at her face. She replaced his fingers with her own and held the diamond between them.

Josh gestured to the necklace with his chin. "That's gotta mean something."

"It does," she said under her breath. "All those years ago when you gave this to me, you said that it wasn't what I thought it was. What'd you mean?"

"I didn't want you to think that I bought you an expensive gift for Christmas." He rubbed his finger along the thin chain. "It would've been inappropriate."

"But it IS an expensive gift," she responded, still rubbing the small diamond.

"Yes, but I didn't buy it," he replied. He brought her fingers to his lips. "It was my grandmother's necklace. My mom gave it to me a week before I gave it to you."

Donna tried to clear the lump in her throat. "Josh."

She pulled his head closer with both hands and kissed him. At first, the kiss was tender, but after a couple of minutes, Josh could hardly keep up. She pulled on his bowtie until it fell to the hardwood floor. She unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, then untucked it, gathering as much of it in her hands as possible. Impatiently, she pulled it over his head along with his white undershirt. She kissed her way down his neck, paying particular attention to his adam's apple. 

Josh unbuttoned the two buttons on Donna's sweater and gently swept it off her arms. His hands traveled up her stomach under her gray t-shirt to her breasts.

Before Josh had time to squeeze her nipple, Donna pulled back from his touch with a frightened expression.

"This is too much," she said, burying her face in her hands.

"What?" Josh removed his hands from her body.

"Everything," she said, pulling her shirt back in place. "I'm too caught up in everything."

"But just then you were--"

"I know how I was just then, Josh," she interrupted, lifting her head. "It's just moving too fast."

"If you ask me, it's not moving fast enough!" His impatience was obviously getting the best of him.

From the look on his face, Donna realized that he regretted his statement, but she didn't let him off the hook.

"No, Josh. I'm not asking you." She moved away from him. "You've been completely absent from my life for six years, and you think we're moving too slowly?"

"That's not what I meant." He put his white t-shirt back on.

"Six years, Joshua!"

"Nine years, Donnatella!" he yelled and pointed a finger at her. "I kept my hands off you for nine years, then you left."

"Did you expect to get in my bed the day we left office?"

"Of course not!" He stood and moved away from the bed.

Donna bit her lip and looked at the floor.

He paused, then put his hands on his hips. "I'm just saying, things could've been different if you'd stayed."

"Now you're blaming this on me?" She widened her eyes.

"You played your part." He folded his arms over his chest.

"Josh, we weren't even romantically involved! You showed me no signs of wanting things to be different the entire time we worked together." She stood in front of him. "Did you expect me to stay in DC and wait until you had enough sense to, I don't know, ask me on a date?"

"I didn't show you signs?" he asked with his palms in the air. "What about the flowers and the snowballs and my trying to sabotage every one of your dates?"

Donna half-laughed. "You call those signs of wanting to be with me? I must've lost my magic decoder."

"I thought you'd get it, Donna." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Have I ever done anything conventional?"

Donna moved back to the bed, straightening the covers. "I guess I needed more."

Josh picked up his tuxedo shirt from the floor and put it back on, but didn't button it. He threw his bowtie around his neck.

"If I'd asked you to stay in DC with me, would you have?" he asked, looking at his bowtie.

Donna regarded him, turning slightly.

"Would you have stayed?" he repeated.

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"The word you're looking for, Donna, is 'yes,'" he stated, finally able to look at her face. "You would've enrolled at American and stayed with me against everything your brain was telling you to do."

"Not everything."

"I couldn't have lived with myself knowing that you stayed in DC just because of me." He took a step toward her. "Your experiences at Berkeley and in London made you who you are today."

"You had a very large part in making me who I am today, Josh." She stood in front of him with her hands clutching at a small pillow. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be working at a dairy farm in Wisconsin."

Josh grinned for the first time in hours. He touched her arm, then his expression turned serious. "I don't blame you for leaving, Donna."

"Sometimes I blame myself." She looked at her feet.

"Don't." He shook his head. "You did what you needed to do at that point in your life."

She looked him in the eyes. "Did you want me to stay?"

He paused for a long moment, then touched her face with his fingertips. "I can be incredibly selfish."

"I think the word you're looking for, Josh, is 'yes.'" She smirked.

He leaned in and kissed her. "Yes, I wanted you to stay."

She returned his kiss, but it was more tender than it was passionate. She put a hand on his cheek and looked up.

"I just need some time to process everything," she confessed.

He nodded, then sighed.

"You have some things you need to take care of too," she said, running a hand through his hair.

He looked away, clenching his jaw. "Yeah."

"And we'll see where this goes." She shrugged.

After a moment, Donna took Josh's hand and led him downstairs. He stopped before she opened the door and placed his forehead against hers. "I don't like leaving you," he admitted.

"We'll see each other soon." She smiled as best she could, then opened the door.

Josh stepped outside, leaning in to kiss her on the lips one last time. "Soon," he said.

When she closed the door, she collapsed on the other side, sliding down until her butt hit the floor. She cried into her hands for a few minutes. She cleaned herself up, then climbed into bed, breathing in the faint scent of Josh that remained on her blanket.


	5. Part 5

**_Donna's Townhouse 2012, 8:02 a.m._ **

When she woke up in the morning, her lips were sore. She rolled over, touching her fingers to them. Instead of feeling swollen lips, she felt them tighten into a smile, which broke into a full-blown laugh. Thinking she must've looked silly, she threw a pillow over hear head and sighed. 

As she was stepping into the shower, her phone rang.

"Hello?" Donna answered.

"I've been worried sick about you all night."

"Hi, Beth," Donna said with a grin. "I just woke up."

"Are you alone?" Beth enquired.

"Yes." Donna reached for a washcloth and towel.

"Don't hold out on me, sister. Spill it."

"It was an emotional night with lots of ups and downs," Donna said, running the water.

"Were there more 'ups' or 'downs?'" Beth asked.

Donna reflected for a moment. "Definitely more ups."

"Tell me everything!"

She sat on her bathroom counter. "When I saw him sitting in the bar with his bowtie untied and a few buttons of his shirt undone, I nearly jumped him." She could feel her cheeks get warm.

"He is a good looking man," Beth said.

"The way he looked at me –" Donna sighed. "It made me feel like there was no one else in the world who he cared about more." She rubbed her hands together. "We cried a lot."

"That's so sad!"

"The whole situation is sad, Beth." Donna hopped off the counter and turned off the running water in the shower. "He hasn't contacted me in six years, and all of a sudden, he wanted to be with me. What would've happened if I hadn't been at the governor's ball? Would he have called me and said those things?"

"Did you ask him that?"

Donna lowered her head. "No. I think we got through a lot of it, but there's still plenty of issues we need to discuss."

"Did you kiss?" Donna could tell Beth was smiling and she could hear her biting her fingernails.

"We did." She blushed.

"Ugh! Do I have to drag it out of you?"

"It was amazing. Josh has this way of making his mouth form a little 'o.' His cheeks were all pink and his face was glowing. It was…electric."

"That good, huh?"

Donna ducked her head and touched her lips. "It was better than I ever thought possible."

Figuring she'd be on the phone for at least another 30 minutes, Donna went downstairs and made a pot of coffee. 

By the time they hung up, Donna felt like a huge weight had been lifted. She wasn't nearly finished processing everything that she and Josh had discussed, but she was relieved that the nervousness of seeing him for the first time in six years was over.

When she emerged from the shower with a towel around her head, her phone rang again.

"We just spent nearly an hour on the phone, Beth, what else could you possibly want?" Donna answered.

"My name isn't Beth, but I could tell you what I want."

"Josh!" Donna instinctively covered her naked body.

"Good morning, Donnatella," he said. She could tell just by the way her name sounded that he was grinning.

"Morning." She grinned and sat on the edge of her bathtub.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked.

"I tossed and turned a lot," she admitted with a sigh. "You?"

"It wasn't pretty," he said in a low voice. 

Donna didn't want to jump to conclusions, so she remained silent.

"I just dropped Janet off at her house."

"Oh," Donna whispered. She didn't like the feeling of being the girl who gets the guy who just dumped the other girl.

"I ended it last night," he said, letting out his breath. "When I got back to the hotel room, I woke her up. We talked for a couple of hours."

"She wasn't happy, I take it?" Donna didn't know what else to say.

"No," he said. "She wasn't."

"Josh, if this is too much, we can--"

He interrupted her. "Don't even think that, Donna."

She stood and put her robe on. "Where'd you sleep?"

"That's a curious question," he responded.

"It's a valid question," she returned.

"To be honest, I didn't sleep at all." She heard Josh scratching the stubble on his face.

Donna felt horrible. She realized that none of this was going to be easy. "I'm sorry, Josh."

"Don't be," he said. "It was kind of nice seeing Baltimore at sunrise."

She smiled and figured Josh was probably grinning too.

"When will I see you again?" he asked. 

Donna could swear that there was a bit of nervousness in his voice.

"How about next Saturday?"

"Next Saturday!" he yelled. "That's six days from now."

She pulled the phone away from her ear. "It's a little bit better than six years, Joshua."

"Not by much," he said under his breath.

Using one hand, Donna dried her hair. "I have a busy week."

He sighed. "Then leave the entire day open for me."

"The whole day?" She grinned, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Yeah. I'll call you during the week."

She was about to disconnect the call.

"Donna," he paused. "I'm looking forward to it. And I don't just mean Saturday. I mean…all of it."

"Me too," she whispered with a smile on her face.

"I'll see you in a week," Josh said.

"Goodbye, Joshua." With that, she hung up and threw her head back. Nothing would wipe the smile off her face that day.

*  
Josh and Donna e-mailed at least twice a day the week before their date. 

_TO: donnamoss@camdenenviro.org_  
FROM: jlyman@polconsult.org  
SUBJECT: My Tux 

_Donna,_

_I went to Gary's to return my tux this morning. As I laid it on the counter, the strangest thing happened: I didn't want to return it._

_The lady at the counter (I forgot her name, but she always tells me to tell you hello) grabbed the pants from me. I told her that I changed my mind about returning the tux. She told me that it was a rental, so I had to return it. I was incredibly nice about it, but she kept pulling the items out of my hands. Finally, she let go, the jacket stung my face, and everything else flew to the floor._

_As I retrieved the shirt, pants, bowtie and jacket, the lady (Norah?) told me the only way they don't accept returns is if the customer "soiled or ripped" the tuxedo. "Soiled?" I asked. She nodded with her arms folded. "Well, I soiled it," I said. She actually pushed me!_

_Anyway, I told her it had sentimental value, and she let me keep it. I just paid a little extra money. I'm looking at the bowtie right now._

_Josh_

 

~~~~~

 

_TO: jlyman@polconsult.org_  
FROM: donnamoss@camdenenviro.org  
RE: My Tux 

_Josh,  
I cannot believe you got into a brawl with Dora at Gary's. She's worked there for more than 30 years. Call her and apologize, or I will._

_I want the bowtie,  
Donna_

~~~~~

_TO: donnamoss@camdenenviro.org_  
FROM: jlyman@polconsult.org  
RE: RE: My Tux 

_Just got off the phone with Maura at Gary's. She accepted my apology after cursing at me in what I assume was Vietnamese._

_Do you just want the bowtie, or would you like me in it?  
Josh_

~~~~~

_TO: jlyman@polconsult.org_  
FROM: donnamoss@camdenenviro.org  
RE: My Tux 

_For the last time, her name is Dora. If you called her "Maura," I will personally kick your ass on her behalf. She's Cambodian, not Vietnamese, so if you made a remark about her heritage, call her back now._

_You, the bowtie and nothing else.  
Donna_

*

On Tuesday, Josh sent her tulips with a card that read:

_I've been working with a woman from Amsterdam. She's old enough to be my mother, and sometimes she acts like it. She advised me to send you the best product from The Netherlands. When I told her that you didn't care for Heineken, she hit me over the head with a thick book._

_Four more days.  
Josh_

*

When Donna called to thank him, they ended up on the phone for two hours. They talked briefly on Wednesday morning on the way to work and on Thursday on the way home.

"Hello?" Donna answered her cell phone.

"Two more days."

"You're counting?"

"Aren't you?" Josh's voice rose.

She grinned. "I couldn't tell you what day of the week it is right now."

He didn't respond.

"Josh?"

"Yeah," he said. "I just thought you'd, you know, be a little more excited." She heard the volume on the radio lower.

She leaned into a shelf and put her hand over the mouthpiece. "I'm in a drug store, Josh."

"Not even a little excited?" His voice lost most of its original flare. "Why are you in a drug store?"

"Why do you think?"

"Are you sick?" He sounded worried.

"Josh, what's this Saturday?"

"Our date."

She waited.

"Donna!" She heard his hand hit the steering wheel.

"Yes?" She had an evil grin plastered to her face.

"You're buying condoms!" 

She heard a squeal and worried that he might have veered off the road just a tad.

"I know how many days till Saturday, Joshua." With that she hung up.

*

Friday night, Donna needed something to distract herself from thinking too much about her date with Josh the next day, so she had dinner with Beth and Doc. They ate at Donna's favorite Italian restaurant on the water. 

It was an old family restaurant called Carmine's. It didn't have a website; the menu hadn't changed in 35 years; and when you left, you smelled like spaghetti sauce. Donna'd found Carmine's on her first night in the city. She didn't return because of the food or the service; rather, she returned because of a picture on the wall. 

There were only five tables overlooking the water in the private dining room in the back. Along two of the walls, there were over 50 photographs of famous people who'd dined at Carmine's. The first one that caught her eye over a year ago was of President Bartlet, Abbey, and Zoey. There was also one, not too far away, of Mike Piazza.

Any time Donna was feeling down, she'd have dinner at Carmine's. She'd gotten to know the waitresses and cooks, and had even gone out one night with the entire restaurant staff.

Beth and Doc had a way of making a three-course meal last all evening, but after desert, Donna was beat. 

"We avoided the subject all night," Doc said.

Doc flinched, at what, Donna assumed, was Beth kicking him under the table.

"It's ok, Beth." Donna wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I'm meeting Josh tomorrow night."

"Is that what you're calling it – a meeting?" Doc asked.

"Doc!" Beth slapped his arm this time.

"You're more curious than I thought you'd be," Donna said, looking at Doc.

"She doesn't tell me anything," he said, jutting his chin toward his wife.

Donna tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and sighed. "I'm not calling it a meeting. It's just weird calling it a date."

"Why's that weird, honey?" Beth put her arm through her husband's.

"I worked with Josh for nine years, hadn't seen him in six, and now we're going on a date." She shrugged. "It's just strange."

"Does he make you uncomfortable?" Doc asked.

"No," Donna replied quickly. "I've never felt uncomfortable around Josh. Even if we didn't see each other for 20 years, I think we'd still feel--"

"Feel what?" Beth asked.

Donna shrugged. "Connected."

"I'm sure it'll be fine then," Doc said. "Maybe even fun?"

Donna smiled. "I'm sure."

"Shit! Doc, it's 11:30. We told the sitter we'd be home by 11!"

"I'll get the check, you call the house."

Donna loved watching Doc and Beth. They'd been married for nearly 20 years, and they still held hands and kissed each other when it was appropriate. Doc treated Donna like she was part of their family, and always refused Donna when she offered to pay for meals.

They drove her back to her townhouse just before midnight.

As soon as Donna stepped inside, she kicked off her heels and was about to unzip her little black dress when she heard a knock on the door. Figuring she'd left her lipstick in the back seat of Doc's sedan, she opened the door with a huff.

Her hand flew to her chest. "Josh! What are you doing here?"

He looked at his wrist. "According to my watch, it's Saturday."

Donna smiled widely. She tugged Josh inside and pulled him into her arms.

He lifted his head, and his eyes focused on her lips. "I couldn't wait any longer."

"For the first time, your impatience is charming." She kissed him softly. 

Josh deepened the kiss and closed the door with his foot. He ran his hands through her hair while Donna grabbed his back. He began walking her backwards; but when Donna nearly tripped, they broke the kiss and laughed.

"I don't know how I resisted this for 15 years." He rubbed her arms.

She smiled at him. "How'd you even know that I'd be home?"

"You said you were having dinner with Beth and the congressman, so I figured you'd be home by midnight."

"His name is Doc," she said, walking into the kitchen. "And sometimes we stay out way past midnight."

"Like 12:30?" He smirked and followed her.

"Even 1." Donna raised her eyebrows. She reached for two coffee mugs. "Hot chocolate?"

Josh leaned against the counter, noticing the way her dress rose way above her knees.

"Sounds good."

"I make it the old-fashioned way." She set the milk, chocolate syrup and marshmallows on the counter.

"On the stove?" Josh asked, popping a handful of marshmallows into his mouth.

Donna nodded. Her mother had always made what she called "real hot chocolate" in a pot on the stove. Until she moved to London, Donna'd always bought the Nestle Quick packages that required nothing more than a mug, a spoon and hot water. She blamed her lack of motivation on her busy lifestyle. Before London, if it wasn't microwaveable, she didn't buy it. Now, she enjoyed cooking, even if it was only for herself.

While drinking their hot chocolate, Josh and Donna chatted about everything from their work week to CJ and Philip. They carefully avoided the topic of their six-year separation until Donna brought it up.

"Would you have called me, Josh, if you hadn't run in to me at the ball?" She set her mug on the coffee table and tucked her legs under her body.

"I started a letter about 50 times," he said. "But I couldn't get it right."

"You're not answering my question." Donna was trying to keep her tone light.

Josh sighed. "I don't know, Donna. I'd like to say, 'yes,' but I was afraid of what you'd think."

"Afraid of what I'd think?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't know _what_ you'd think." He stood and paced. "How do you call somebody out of the blue and make everything ok?"

"You can't make everything ok with one conversation, Josh." She shrugged. "But you could've started with a call."

"Part of me thought a call would've been too easy." He sat next to her. "I would've apologized, you would've accepted, and we would've hung up, promising to stay in touch." He sighed. "Maybe I was afraid that it would've been just one call. That everything would've ended after that."

"So if you hadn't run in to me, you probably wouldn't have called?" Donna tucked her hair behind her ear.

Josh put his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands. "I would've tried to find you eventually."

A long moment of silence passed between them. Josh leaned back against the sofa and rubbed his eyes. Donna's posture stiffened.

"How long would you have waited to find me, Josh? Six years went by, and you didn't try."

"I don't know, Donna." He let his hands fall hard on the sofa. "I don't have a crystal ball."

She looked at her hands in her lap, hoping her tears wouldn't fall. 

Josh lifted her chin. "I'm here with you now, Donnatella. And I've kicked myself a thousand times for not finding you sooner. Believe me when I tell you: I know what I've missed." He rubbed her hand with his thumb. "I don't wanna waste any more time."

Donna bit her trembling lip. "Neither do I."

She kissed him with her eyes open. Watching his face and feeling his hands on her body made her release a few tears.

"This has been the best week I've had in six years," he whispered.

"Even when Dora gave you the smack down?" Donna grinned.

"I can handle Cora." He smirked.

Donna hit him in the arm with a pillow. "I swear, Josh, if you upset that woman, she's going to poison your next tuxedo."

"Poison my tuxedo?" He laughed. "How do you poison a tuxedo?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure she'll find a way," Donna replied, brushing a piece of hair out of her face.

Josh tackled her, pinning her to the sofa. She squirmed to get out from under him, but when he started kissing her wrist, she stopped moving. He kissed his way up her arm, still holding Donna's hands above her head. He released one hand to touch the skin that was now visible on the upper part of her thigh.

Donna raised her neck as far as she could and kissed his lips. When he released her hands, she immediately grabbed his back and pulled him to her. They moaned at about the same time.

"We have to stop," she said, out of breath.

"Why?" Josh didn't stop moving his hand up her thigh.

"Cause it's too soon."

"It doesn't feel like it's too soon," Josh whispered while kissing her ear.

"Mmm."

Josh didn't stop touching and kissing her.

"Josh, I'm serious. We have to stop." Donna sat up.

He ran a hand through his hair and sat back on his legs. "Ok."

"I'm sorry." She lowered her head and adjusted her dress.

"Don't apologize, Donna." He reached for her hand and shrugged. "Whenever you're ready."

She smiled and took him in her arms. He laid with his back on her chest, her arms wrapped around his. As she rubbed his arms, she noticed his eyelids getting heavy.

"It's getting late," she said.

Donna shifted, turning her stiff neck from side to side.

"I'm just gonna sleep down here." Josh sat up.

"How's your back?" She asked, standing and straightening her rumpled dress.

"Gives me trouble every once in a while, but it's fine." He arched his back.

Donna looked down at him. "You take the bed."

"Don't be ridiculous, Donna," he said. "It's your house."

"You drove to Baltimore to see me at midnight." She blushed. "You deserve the bed."

Josh stood and smirked. "We can't share?"

Donna looked at her polished toes. "Not yet," she said in a soft voice.

"Really?" His voice was barely above a whisper. He held both of her hands. "I won't do anything to –"

"I know you won't." Donna looked at him and squeezed his hands. "But I might."

His dimples still gave her goose bumps. 

Josh leaned in and kissed her. Despite all the kissing they'd done, this was different. It was slow and lazy. Donna let her lower lip go as far down his chin as it could, while still keeping her top one on his mouth. She liked the feel of his stubble against the inside of her mouth. She also enjoyed the feel of his fingertips under her shoulder straps.

"Josh?" She barely got his name out between kisses.

"Yeah?" He continued kissing her while his hands rested on her hips.

"Bed." She removed her right hand from the back of his head and pointed upstairs. "Now."

"Yeah." Josh sighed. "You're gonna tell me when we can continue this, right?" He wiped his lips. 

"Is morning soon enough?" She grinned.

"No, but I guess it's all I've got." He returned her smile, kissed her soundly one more time, then jogged up the stairs.

Donna plopped on the sofa, threw her head back and smiled. It didn't take long, she thought, to fall back into – things – with Josh Lyman. She was either too tired or too conscientious to define "things." As she removed her necklace and placed it on the coffee table, she heard Josh pounce back down the stairs.

"It's a big bed." 

He was wearing a gray t-shirt and light blue boxers.

"It is," she said, trying to hide her grin with a yawn.

"If you won't share it with me, I'm not taking it."

Donna noticed Josh's legs first. They were more muscular than she remembered, especially his thighs. His arms were about the same. Except for his dimples, his arms had always been her favorite body part. She also admired his chest, hands, and ears. His eyes, well, she'd gotten lost in them many times before.

She closed her eyes, willing away the images of what she'd like to do to his body. "Josh, we still have a long way to go."

"I'm not asking you to have sex with me, Donna," he said, sitting on the arm of the sofa and taking her hand. "I'm asking you to sleep next to me or take the bed for yourself."

She placed a hand on his leg and immediately felt a sensation run through her body. "Fine."

Donna slowly climbed the stairs, not looking back. Josh remained on the sofa. She put on an Orioles t-shirt, brushed her teeth and turned off the lamp. She heard nothing downstairs, but she could see that the lamp was still on. Climbing into bed, she smiled.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming?"

She figured he skipped two, maybe even three stairs at a time. He jumped into the bed, taking Donna into his arms. She pulled the covers over him and snuggled into his body.

"Good night, Joshua."

"Night, Donnatella."


	6. Part 6

When Donna woke up the next morning, she immediately felt like something was missing. She turned on her side and saw the pillow where Josh's head left an indentation.

"Josh?"

She smelled something burning.

When she walked downstairs, the kitchen was filled with smoke.

"Josh!"

"Everything's fine," he responded, opening the window, then turning the vent on high. "I waited too long to put the bacon in the pan."

Donna was fanning the air with her hand and coughing. "What did you use? A gallon of grease?"

"I didn't measure it," Josh responded, finally looking at Donna. Her hair was tousled and her shirt stopped at mid-thigh.

He threw the pot holder on the counter and wrapped his arms around her. "Morning."

She stifled a laugh. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I was going for the whole breakfast in bed thing." He tilted his head and exposed his dimples. "But we might have to go out for food."

Donna kissed his forehead, then his nose and finally, his mouth. He tasted like coffee.

"Mmm," she moaned. "Coffee."

He released her with a final kiss and filled a coffee cup. "I think I got this right."

Donna took a sip. "You did."

"I figured I'd better make the coffee in case you still, you know."

She rubbed her hands along his bare shoulders and down his arms. "I don't work for you any more, Josh. I'd bring you coffee."

He smirked. "This is already better than I thought it'd be."

*

Following a light make-out session, Josh and Donna prepared to spend all day outdoors. They had eggs Benedict at a small café, then went for a long walk along the pier. There was nothing awkward about holding hands or stealing little kisses in public. The conversation flowed naturally, and before long, they were back into old patterns of bantering. 

Sometimes, however, Josh would look at her, and she didn't know what the look meant.

"What's that look?" she asked, eating an ice cream cone on a park bench.

"What look?"

"The one you just had?"

"I thought you knew all my looks." He licked his mint chocolate chip ice cream.

"Not that one." She grabbed his free hand. "That's it!"

Josh leaned in to kiss her. She tasted like mocha java ice cream, which blended nicely with his mint. "It's amazement."

"Amazement?" she asked, licking a chocolate chip from the corner of his mouth.

Josh shrugged. "I'm amazed that we still have this -- connection."

"I guess it doesn't go away," Donna replied with a smile.

"No, it doesn't." He ran a hand through her hair. "Oops."

"What did you do?"

"I kinda got –" he pulled his hand from her hair, but much of it stuck to his palm.

"Josh!" She reached up, pulling her matted hair away from his hand. "It's all sticky!"

They were both trying to detach his hand from her hair while still holding their ice cream cones. Josh started laughing. Donna followed until they nearly collapsed on the bench. Mint ice cream was now all over Josh's jeans, and chocolate was all over Donna's white blouse.

"We have to get cleaned up," she said.

"Yeah."

They walked back to Donna's townhouse, talking about when they should tell their friends about their relationship.

"You're referring to it as 'a relationship?'" Donna asked with a smirk.

"What would you call it?"

"Relationship is good," she replied.

"I don't see this thing ending," he said, grabbing her swinging hand.

She looked at him. "Are you going to finish that statement with 'anytime soon?'"

"No." Josh squeezed her hand.

Donna stared at him as long as she could without tripping.

"I wanna tell people," Josh said, shaking Donna from her wanderings.

"Like who?"

"Leo, Toby, the Bartlets, CJ."

They walked inside Donna's townhouse. Donna began unbuttoning her stained blouse while going upstairs.

"You don't think it's too soon for that?" she asked.

Josh followed her upstairs, but Donna'd already closed the bathroom door.

"Do you?"

"Maybe. We don't know what's going to happen, Josh." 

"Do you know what you want to happen?" His voice was loud, so Donna figured he was standing right by the door.

She opened the door and stood in front of Josh, who was now shirtless. She looked at his chest and his unbuttoned jeans, then back at his face. "Yes, I know what I want to happen."

Donna ran her hands over his chest, letting her fingers linger on his nipples until they were hard. She traced a pattern with one hand on his back, while the other stroked his bicep. Every time Josh tried touching her, she stilled his hands. She placed kisses in random places on his neck and shoulders, then she kissed the corner of his mouth.

"Donna," he moaned.

She slowly moved behind him, not taking her hands off his body. As her hands ran down his arms, she placed tiny kisses between his shoulder blades.

"Your pants are stained," she whispered in his ear.

Josh's eyes immediately looked down. He realized that she was talking about the ice cream.

"Yeah," he said, hardly able to get the word out. 

He started to unbutton the rest of the button-fly, but Donna removed his hands. She unbuttoned the remaining three buttons, still positioned behind him. Her mouth made its way across his broad shoulders. 

When Josh's jeans were completely undone, Donna left them hanging open and moved her hands up his stomach. She slowly ran her fingers over his rippled stomach, wondering when he had time to work out and thankful that he did. He covered her hands with his, and Donna flexed her hands so that their fingers could entwine. She continued rubbing his body, taking his hands along with hers until he brought one of their joined hands to his lips. This stilled the other hand while Josh showered her knuckles with his open mouth.

He pulled her so that she was facing him. He wrapped her arms around his neck so that he could now allow his hands to freely wander over her back. Donna's hands didn't stay still for long. She ran them through Josh's hair, starting from the back, then massaged his head on the way back down. His hands slowly swept up her back and on her arms. When she stepped closer to him, their stomachs touched.

"I've never been an Orioles fan," he said, removing her black and orange t-shirt.

"They beat the crap out of your Mets." She grinned.

When their lips met, their bodies were completely pressed against each other. At first, their hands stayed still while they adjusted to the sensation of flesh on flesh. Josh unclasped Donna's bra, but didn't remove it. He hooked one thumb under the black strap and kissed the spot where it had just been. He cupped one of her breasts, and she groaned. 

Donna's hands found their way back to Josh's head. When he started moving down her neck, she helped guide him to her breast. He sucked on her nipple through the black lace, then with his fingertips, pushed down the material until her pink tip was visible. At first, he teased her nipple with his tongue, then he took it into his mouth. Donna pressed into him, moaning. Her bra was still half on.

"You're more beautiful than I remember," he said, looking up. He removed the rest of her bra and stared at her body.

She kissed him, pressing her tongue as far back in his mouth as she could. Josh returned her eagerness with both hands on her breasts.

"These are nice." He smirked.

She loved his smirk even more than his smile. It was his confidence that had attracted her to him in the first place. She remembered his cocky attitude the first time she'd met him. She'd noticed his swagger the first time he walked away from her.

"So are yours," she responded, taking one of his nipples in her mouth.

"I don't have breasts, Donna, they're pecs," he said. "But what you're doing right there--"

While she continued swirling her tongue around his nipple, she used both hands to push down his jeans. When they were completely off, Donna stood toe-to-toe with Josh. She only had to look up slightly to capture his lips again.

"Your turn," he breathed.

She didn't break the kiss as Josh quickly unzipped her pants and shoved them down her legs. By the look on his face, she figured he approved of her low-riding black thong.

"Did you wear these at work?" he asked, hooking one finger under the elastic.

"What if I did?" She kissed the hollow of his neck.

"Then my fantasies were true." He pushed his hand to cup her ass.

"You had fantasies about me?" Donna shoved a hand down the back of Josh's boxers.

"All the time," he replied, rubbing her soft flesh. "Even when you left."

She kissed his lips. "Was this one of them?"

He smirked. "It was the beginning of one." His hand moved around to her front, and he rubbed his index finger along her slit.

"Mmm." She removed her hand from Josh's ass and placed it on his stomach.

He moved in to kiss her as his finger went inside of her. Donna groaned. He picked up the pace with his finger while Donna picked up the pace with her tongue. Josh used his free hand to remove her thong. He walked her backwards until her knees hit the mattress. She flopped on her back, but Josh remained standing. He stared at her naked body, his shins touching hers.

Donna could swear there were tears in his eyes. She reached for him. "Josh?"  
He grabbed her hand and gently lowered himself on top of her. "This is everything, Donna."

He kissed her deeply, and she removed his boxers. They lay together, completely naked, hands exploring every inch of each other. Josh found a spot behind Donna's knee that made her giggle. She found a spot on the top of his scar that made him moan. When she grabbed his erect penis, he stopped.

"Before we do this--" Josh began.

"'Before we do this,' what?" She looked worried.

"I need you to know." His smile wasn't cocky or superior; it was genuine. He lightly kissed her lips and his eyes filled with tears again. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Josh? What is it?"

He lifted his head. "I've loved you for 15 years, and I never thought I'd get the chance to tell you that."

She smiled at him. "I know the feeling."

Josh smiled back at Donna, but one of his tears hit her face. She enveloped him in a hug, kissing the side of his head.

"I promise you, Donnatella, this is not a one night thing."

"What is it then?" She looked in his eyes.

"It's a lifetime thing."

She placed her hands on his cheek and pulled him to her. Their kiss was tender at first, but it quickly escalated into passionate.

Donna knew that making love to Josh would be an unforgettable experience, but this was heavenly. His feather-light touches on the back of her thighs sent shivers through her body. The way his lips felt on her skin made her dizzy.

They couldn't get enough of each other. They had to take turns pulling skin into their mouths, and neither wanted to give up control. They released at nearly the same time, calling out each other's name.

When it was over, Josh collapsed next to Donna and pulled her head on his chest.

"Wow," he said.

"I was that good?" She teased.

He kissed her head. "You were."

She looked up at him. "Did you mean what you said?"

"I'm pretty sure I meant it all, but what are you referring to in particular?" He ran his fingers down her back.

"The part about loving me for 15 years," she whispered.

He hoisted his head on his elbow, and Donna's head slipped to the pillow beneath them. "I meant it, but I've never loved you more than I do right now."

She brought his face closer to hers. "I know the feeling."

They kissed and touched each other until they became excited enough to make love again. After four hours of sex, Donna leaned over and picked up the phone.

"Who are you calling?" Josh asked, rubbing her side.

"First, CJ. Then we'll call Leo, Toby and Sam. After that--" 

Josh distracted her dialing for a moment by kissing her ear. She had to disconnect and swat him away. When he finally removed his mouth from her body, she dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"CJ? It's Donna. You'll never guess who I ran in to last week."


End file.
